Updated: Mar 21
Why do husbands forget special occasions, like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day?
I was almost ready to let Valentine's Day 2022 slip into history, but after a discussion with a friend about why husbands don't always get it done on Valentine's Day - she volunteered to write a short blog with her thoughts about husband's ability to come through on Valentine's Day.
I love her enthusiasm and encouragement to women that they can make their own Valentine's Day bliss, but I wish they didn't need to (that's one of the reasons I created you:MoreThoughtful).
Continue reading to see what she thinks about why men don't always come through on Valentine's Day.
Why do Husbands forget Valentine's Day?
So Valentine’s Day 2022 has come and gone, and for an occasion that’s supposed to be about love and romance, not everyone feels those sentiments. For women, there can be a lot of conversation about Valentine’s Day beforehand and especially during Valentine's Week. Women notice the chocolate hearts coming out in the grocery aisles and are more likely to think about what it feels like to receive a gesture of love, like chocolate or flowers. And there’s a chance that if you’ve been in a relationship for a number of years, there was a time when your man crushed it on Valentine’s Day. You probably have memories of dinner reservations, roses, candy, or thoughtfully written notes. And if you don’t have those memories of your own, you definitely hear about them from other women.
This can lead to hurt feelings, which never feel great. So why don’t men “just do it” on Valentine’s Day?
Getting "the right gift"
Whether your spouse knows you well or is just getting to know you – there is a lot of pressure to get "the right gift". Have you ever received a gift that you were not super thrilled about? Did you think that you were able to mask your obvious disappointment? Even if you appreciated the thoughtfulness of the gift, if you didn’t truly love it, your spouse probably picked up on that.
And now he is searching on Amazon or going to the store asking himself if what he decides to buy will be something you love. That is a lot of pressure! For some, that kind of pressure leads to not being able to figure out what to buy at all. And you would never know how he agonized over getting you a book he thought you might read, giving you a gift card to get your nails done at your favorite place, or buying you those shoes you said you loved last time you were out shopping.
Your spouse probably cares a lot about you, and if he’s thinking about Valentine’s Day at all, he might be asking “Why do I need to participate in this commercialized holiday?” He could feel a sense of obligation to make Valentine’s Day special, and we can agree, that obligation and thoughtful gestures don’t really feel like a match.
He doesn’t realize it’s the day, or that it’s important to you
And that leads to the next point, that he might not even realize what day Valentine’s Day is. What is a date that is genuinely important to him? His child’s birthday, the date of his favorite team’s first game of the season, the date he gets his annual review, and potential raise with his manager? Do you think that Valentine’s Day makes the list of important dates to him? Maybe for some men, but probably not for many. And if he has any awareness of the day Valentine’s Day falls on, does he know how important it is to you that it is recognized?
Valentine's Day can be expensive
One last thing to consider is how much money it could potentially cost to give you a really thoughtful, romantic Valentine’s Day. If that is out of his current budget, it could be a pretty big blow to his ego to try to come up with a ‘budget’ Valentine’s that really shows his love for you. Men want to be providers, they want to care for their spouses – and it can be hard for them to come up with ideas to show their love without a grand, expensive gesture.
What's a girl to do?
If Valentine’s Day truly is important to you, you have to communicate that to your spouse. You have to be clear about what you expect from him, it’s ok to set him up for success!
Consider your expectations and ask yourself if they are reasonable considering your life stage, finances, and how he feels about engaging in this holiday.
And if all else fails, have a backup plan! Who’s to say you can’t be your own Valentine? Buy yourself the flowers, get your favorite take-out, take a long bath and appreciate the love that you have for yourself.
Thanks to Audrey for an alternative view on Valentine's success. I love that she encourages everyone to Valentine’s Day satisfaction into your own hands.
I’m a strong believer in thoughtfulness and romance in marriages, and that can be on full display on Valentine’s Day 2023. Rather than have a disappointing Valentine’s Day next year, let your husband know about the you:MoreThoughtful service.
Want your husband to learn more about our service?
Are you a husband that wants to do better on occasions like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, anniversaries, and birthdays?
Whether it is Valentine’s Day 2023, or Valentine's Week 2023, you:MoreThoughtful can help you be a more thoughtful and romantic spouse.