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From Thoughtful Bids to Dodging Discord: Your Guide to Being a Better Husband


Art Deco Style Illustration Of A Man And Woman That Are Romantic, With Symbols Such As Hearts, And Swirls, And Other Discordant And Romantic Symbols In The Air

So, you've decided to tie the knot, or maybe you've been knotted for a while now. Either way, welcome to the club! This journey you're on comes with its share of thrills and chills. Now, as someone who’s navigated the tumultuous yet exhilarating waters of relationships, I can tell you, it’s quite the ride. Through my personal love escapades, I've come face to face with moments that made my heart sing and others that, well, didn’t. I’ve realized love is not just about riding the highs but also about navigating through the lows with a bit of grace, a dash of humor, and a whole lot of understanding.


In my quest for the proverbial “happy ever after,” I stumbled upon some insightful nuggets from the Gottman Institute. They introduced me to the concepts of 'Turn-Toward Bids' and the 'Four Horsemen.' It was like finding a love compass in the bewildering yet beautiful maze of relationships. These weren’t just abstract ideas floating in the love-osphere; they were reflections of real moments I’ve experienced in my relationships. And guess what? They have a profound impact on how we dance to the rhythm of love.


Now, before you start picturing actual horsemen or bids flying around, let me assure you, it’s not that whimsical (though that would make for an exciting love saga, wouldn’t it?). These concepts are more like the unseen threads that weave the fabric of our relationships. They’re about the subtle gestures, the unsaid words, and the way we respond to our significant other’s emotional cues.


As we waltz through the playful guide to being a better husband, we’ll explore how these seemingly small interactions either tune our love song to a harmonious melody or a cacophony of discord. So, whether you’re a relationship rookie or a love veteran, there’s something here for everyone to make our bonds blossom with joy, understanding, and a sprinkle of fun. And remember, every step, stumble, and pirouette is a part of our unique love dance. So, shall we dance?


A couple dancing in an art deco style scene

Being a Better Husband: Tuning into the 'Turn-Toward Bids'


Picture this: Your love life is a lively dance floor, and every glance, every chuckle, and every ‘did you see that?’ from your partner is an invitation to twirl, tap, or tango together. These subtle cues are what the love maestros at the Gottman Institute call 'Turn-Toward Bids'. They are your partner’s way of saying, “Hey, let’s share this beat.”


Now, how you respond to these bids can either jazz up your dance or have you stepping on each other’s toes. When you 'turn toward' a bid, you’re joining in on the groove, making the melody sweeter. But, when you 'turn away', you might just miss a chance for a memorable dance.


Let’s break it down:


  1. Acknowledgment: When your partner points out a goofy dog on the street, a simple “Oh, how cute!” can be music to their ears. It’s about acknowledging their bid with a warm note.

  2. Engagement: Now, if that goofy dog sparks a conversation about adopting a furry buddy, you’ve just hit a love-high note!

  3. Enthusiasm: And if you dive into a playful debate about which dog breed is the best, well, you’ve just added a spicy beat to your love tune.

Improving Your Dance Steps:

The essence of acing this dance is spontaneity and attentiveness. It’s about being present, not just with your moves but with your heart too. Surprise date nights, spontaneous compliments, or a playful debate on pizza toppings - they all add a zest to your love dance. And if the rhythm of daily life muddles your dance steps, that’s where you:MoreThoughtful can step in with a gentle nudge, reminding you of the sweet rhythm of love.


Dodging the 'Four Horsemen': The Dance of Being a Better Husband

Ah, the Four Horsemen. No, they're not the latest indie band, but they sure can rock the boat in our love lives. Identified by the wise folks at the Gottman Institute, these are the four pesky behaviors that, left unchecked, could lead our love boat into stormy waters. And boy, have I seen these horsemen gallop through my own love trails, kicking up storms and testing the ties that bind.

Here’s a fun rundown:

  1. Criticism: Picture a small gremlin that loves to nitpick. It can turn a simple “you forgot the milk” into an opera of complaints. The antidote? It’s all about expressing needs in a positive tune, like, “Could you pick up some milk on your way home?”

  2. Contempt: This one's the diva of discord, bringing a chilly aura of superiority. Combat this with appreciation and respect, making your love stage a warm and welcoming place.

  3. Defensiveness: Imagine a knight in shining armor, shield always up. But hey, love isn’t a battlefield! Shed the armor, and embrace open-hearted communication.

  4. Stonewalling: Picture a mime trapped in an invisible box, unresponsive to any cues. Breaking free requires taking a breather and then returning to the conversation with a willingness to engage.

Avoiding a Bumpy Ride:

Tackling these horsemen isn’t about a battle royale but understanding, patience, and a sprinkle of humor. It’s about creating a safe haven where love can dance freely, away from the disruptive beats of discord.


Four horsemen riding over a hill

Striding to a Joyful Journey: Tips for a Harmonious Love Dance

So here we are, after a whimsical waltz through the realms of 'Turn-Toward Bids' and dodging the discord brought by the 'Four Horsemen.' Our love life, as we've seen, is less of a rigid routine and more of a freestyle dance. The steps we take, the tunes we choose, and how we respond to our partner's cues set the rhythm for a harmonious or discordant melody.

  1. Tuning to the Bids: Every little bid from your partner is a chance to share a dance move. Whether it's a twirl of laughter or a tap of understanding, tuning into these bids makes the dance lively and lovey-dovey.

  2. Dodging the Discord: Ah, those pesky Four Horsemen! Shooing them away from our love arena ensures a smooth dance floor. It's about facing the music together and choosing the beats of understanding over the discord of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

And if you ever find the rhythm going awry or the dance steps getting muddled amidst life's hustle and bustle, fret not! The you:MoreThoughtful subscription service is here to be your gentle reminder, your tune tuner, and your choreographer for those impromptu love jigs. It's about keeping the dance delightful, the music magical, and the love alive, one thoughtful step at a time.

Happy couple embracing each other and gazing into each other's eyes

Our journey through love's whimsical dance floor may have its share of missed beats and stumbled steps, but with a playful heart, a listening ear, and a dash of thoughtfulness, every day can be a chance for a beautiful dance. So, ready to glide, groove, and grow in love? With you:MoreThoughtful by your side, let’s make the dance of love a joyous, jubilant journey!




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